Time to start teaching the 3 R's again: Walt's suggestion

"The most dispiriting VIDEO I've seen in years", posted last Sunday, demonstrated the ignorance of some young (Gen-Z) Americans of arithmetic, geography, and history. If, as it seems, they are typical products of American education, I would guess they spent few (if any) hours studying reading, writing and spelling. I would be surprised if any of them could write a simple sentence without making errors of spelling and grammar. 

When I went to school [just after the earth's crust cooled. Ed.], we were taught to spell, from grades 1 through 8. Every Friday we had a spelling test, and if you couldn't pass those and other tests of literacy, you were "held back", or, in some places, "failed".

I think it's high time that American (and Canadian) schools resumed the teaching of the 3 R's -- readin', writin' and `rithmetic -- if they can find any teachers who are competent in these subjects. And I think spelling should be taught again. I suggest holding spelling bees at the local, state and national levels, with prizes for those who can spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" (that was worth $12,000 back in 1955) and other words now considered too difficult for American students.

I will go further, by publishing "The Dream of a Spelling Bee", a poem by Charles C. Bombaugh*, which could be used as the ultimate spelling test. The winner would be the one who could transcribe the text, from a recording, with the fewest mistakes.

Menageries where sleuth-hounds caracole,

    Where jaguar phalanx and phlegmatic gnu

Fright ptarmigan and kestrels cheek by jowl,

    With peewit and precocious cockatoo.

Gaunt seneschals, in crotchety cockades,

    With seine net trawl for porpoise in lagoons;

While scullions gauge erratic escapades

   Of madrepores in water-logged galloons.

Flamboyant triptychs groined with gherkins green,

    In reckless fracas with coquettish bream,

Ecstatic gargoyles, with grotesque chagrin,

    Garnish the gruesome nightmare of my dream!

Off to your dictionary, then, dear reader....

* Source: The Best, Worst & Most Unusual, by Bruce Felton & Mark Fowler, Galahad Books, New York, 1994.

Babylon Bee's guide too good grammar

Ed. here. You know that Walt and I are sticklers for the proper use of the language of Shakespeare... and modern English too, "modern" being the English spoken by the Queen... Victoria, that is. ("American English" is an oxymoron.)

For us, it's a constant struggle to find and correct grammatical and orthographical errors. We have been forced to throw in the towel on the Apostrophe Error, because even professional communicator's seem compelled to insert an apostrophe before all terminal s's. Its a sin and a shame, isnt it?

And (said he, beginning not just a sentence but a paragraph with a conjuntion) let us not even begin to discuss "pause words", such as "basically", "like" and the dreaded "so", with which persons of a certain age and gender begin every sentence. So what?

We are happy today to find that we are not fighting the battle on our own. One of Walt's favourite blogs, the Babylon Bee, has entered the fray with "A Handy Guide Too Using Good Grammar", a compendium of tips for avoiding common errors of grammar and speling. 

Read it and learn, and know that you will always have our well wishes.

VIDEO: Weird Al Yankovic sings (?) about "word crimes"

Ed. here. We need a break from politics, race, and the wretched human condition. Here's a video I saved for just such a contingency. I particularly like Weird Al's explanation of the difference between "it's" and "its". Listen up.