Your Singhs today (Peel Region, ON) - "They're stealing our butter!"

Agent 3's attention was caught by this headline in the Toronto Sun: "SPREAD 'EM: Accused butter bandits toast after Peel cops bust slippery scheme". "Butter bandits"??!! What kind of people would steal butter? But it's Peel Region, where the majority of people are from south Asia, so let's see...

What follows is a lightly edited version of the report on the Peel Regional Police blotter:

Investigators from the 22 Division Criminal Investigation Bureau (CIB) have arrested and charged six individuals in a theft investigation in Brampton. 

In December 2024, investigators became aware of a significant increase in theft of butter and ghee* from grocery stores within the Region of Peel, with losses of over $60,000 in stolen property in 2023. 

Project Flaherty [??? Did they think the perps were Irish?] was established to target and combat the increase in butter and ghee thefts. As a result, three individuals were charged with Possession of Property Obtained by Crime: Vishavjeet Singh, a 22-year-old man of no-fixed address; Sukmander Singh, a 23-year-old man from Brampton; Dalwal Singh Sidhu, a 28-year-old man from Brampton.

In addition, three individuals were arrested and charged with Theft Under $5000: Navdeep Chaudhary, a 22-year-old man from Brampton; Kamaldeep Singh, a 38-year-old man of no-fixed address; Harkerat Singh, a 25-year-old man of no-fixed address.

The six individuals will appear at the Ontario Court of Justice in Brampton at a later date. CIB continues to investigate these incidents, including which businesses are accepting these stolen products. Similar incidents have been reported across Ontario, including one in Brantford where suspects stole about $1200 [$840 in real money] worth of butter from a grocery store. 

The coppers didn't say anything about what all these Singhs got into Canada and what they're doing here when they're not stealing butter. Walt suspects that they are all students at the infamous Singh School of Truck Driving. Those with no fixed address likely live in their trucks as they cross and recross the World's Longest Undefended Border (TM) with loads of spreadables and "other stuff".

CTV News adds that Scott Tracey, a spokesperson Guelph Police Service, told them in November that there appears to be an online black market for butter. Good police work there, Scott! One "expert"  noted that that butter thefts would continue as long as the cost of living and food prices remained high. No shit, Sherlock!

*Ghee is a type of clarified butter, originating from the Indian subcontinent. It is commonly used for cooking, as a traditional medicine, and for Hindu religious rituals. You're welcome.

Canada doesn't make cents any more

This spring, the Royal Canadian Mint pressed its last penny. The Canadian government stopped production of the cute little coins, because it was making a loss of 6/10th of a cent on each and every one. So, according to Jim Flaherty, the Minister of Finance, $11 million a year in production costs would be saved by doing away with the cents.

However, Canadian Press reports today that redeeming the six billion or so pennies presently in circulation will cost Canuck taxpayers about $7.3 million a year for the next six years. (That's about $7.4 million in "real money".)

Costs include $53 million expected to be paid out to redeem the face value of the coins, as well as another $27 million for the Mint's handling and administration costs. Recycling the zinc and copper from melted-down pennies will bring in about $42.5 million in revenue, leaving the government in the red by a tad over $38 million.

The good news is, when you add the $11 million in annual savings from not minting any more pennies, the government still saves almost $4 million per year over the expected six-year redemption period. Ah, the complexities of public finance.

But Walt has a suggestion for the Canadian government, or the US government, if they ever decide to follow the lead of the frugal frostbacks. [As if that will happen. The USA still has single dollar bills! Ed.] [Never mind. Do you want to hear this or not?! Walt]

OK, here's Walt's can't-miss cost recovery plan. Sell the old pennies to Zimbabwe! They use US dollars there -- each one worth almost, but not quite, a Canadian dollar -- but they have no coins because they can't afford to import any. So ship them the Canadian cents at, say, half their face value, plus S+H, plus HST, and they should fetch pretty close to C$50 million, which is $7.5 million more than the expected revenue from recycling.

Note to Jim Flaherty: You don't need to thank Walt publicly. Just send a cheque.