Rumours re Epstein and the Clintons: Statement from Babylon Bee

Some churls who read "Jeffrey Epstein: suicide or homicide?" (WWW 11/8/19), which featured a photo of Bill and Hellery Clinton along with a link to "CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide", an old article from the Babylon Bee, have accused me of buying into the theory that the ex-President and ex-President-wannabe somehow orchestrated Mr Epstein's suicide.

If so, I am not the only one. Still-President Trump suggested just yesterday that if we could find out if Slick Willy had visited the Epstein Pleasure Island, we'd "know something". Indeed.

Meanwhile, the Babylon Bee has seen fit to plead innocent to accusations of the lamestream media that they deliberately resurrected the "Clinton suicide article", first posted in November of 2017 and gave it a place of prominence on their landing page shortly after the death of Mr Epstein was confirmed. Walt is anxious to help the good folks at the BB clear their name, and reposts below their editorial board's statement posted August 12th.

A number of people have questioned our love for Hillary Clinton based on some satirical pieces published on our site recently.

We would like to clear things up by saying that Hillary Clinton is an upstanding citizen and a very fine human being. She is of excellent character. She would never hurt anyone. The people who wrote those jokes, headlines, and pieces that seemed to criticize Hillary have been dealt with.

Some conspiracy theories have been going around about the Clintons, and we think that's just despicable. Deplorable, really. From Bill's time in the White House all the way through Hillary's spotless record as Secretary of State, the Clintons have served this country with honor and not a hint of scandal. For people to suggest they are so powerful and sinister to kill those who might expose some non-existent "wrongdoings" in their past is treason, really.

We just want to make certain that it's clear how much we respect, love, and honor the Clintons. Honestly, they're our favorite politicians of all the politicians, way better than that Trump guy. It's a real shame Hillary didn't win. She's our president.

Above all, we want to make sure Hillary does not question our loyalty to her and the whole Clinton family. We have nothing bad to say about her. Also, just to be clear, we have no dirt or inside information on her whatsoever and nothing would be gained by our untimely deaths.

So, Hillary, we love you! Please do not hurt us.