Stephen Lewis, meet Dr. Frankenstein

First the story, precised from today's Globe and Mail.

Armed with 70 sworn affidavits from rape victims, An advocacy group, armed with 70 sworn affidavits, is calling for the prosecution of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe and his ruling party for crimes against humanity.

The group is headed by Great Canadian and all-round do-gooder Stephen Lewis, who has a long record of being more interested in poverty and social problems overseas than similar concerns here at home.

The group says "Comrade Bob" Mugabe and his party were responsible for a systematic campaign of rape against opposition supporters in last year's election. They point to the cases of 70 Zimbabwean women, all opposition supporters, who were collectively raped at least 380 times by 241 different members of the ruling party and its affiliated organizations.

The black thugs who masquerade as leaders of Mr. Mugabe's party are reportedly preparing their militias for another campaign of systematic rape in the next presidential election, the report says. To stop them from doing it again, it says, they must be prosecuted under international laws on crimes against humanity.

All this is told to us as if it was something new, discovered only by dint of the hard work of this group over the last few months. In fact the campaign against those whose race, tribe or politics differ from those of one of the worst-ever African dictators has gone on since even before the ill-considered handover of power by the lily-white and lily-livered British government in 1980.

Who was one of the loudest voices calling for the government of Ian Smith to hand Rhodesia over to the Mugabe and his brother black racists? Step forward Stephen Lewis, former leader of the NDP in Ontario and Voice of Virtue in the "great civil rights movement" of the 60s.

It's not that they weren't warned. Mugabe and his comrades were self-styled Marxists, intent on seizing for themselves, their cronies and their tribesmen "white cars, white farms and white women".

Of course those who said as much were vilified as incorrigible racists. But see what has happened since the British forced Smith to cede power in 1980. Zimbabwe, at that time the second-most advanced country in sub-Saharan Africa (second only to the terrible apartheid state of South Africa) has descended into abject poverty.

Zimbabwe is literally going back to bush. And who is responsponsible? Who has been in power all that time? Who was just, at the age of 85, selected by his party to lead the party and the country for another five years? "Bob's your uncle."

Stephen Lewis and all the other western liberal do-gooders created Mugabe the Monster. Now, suddenly, they see that maybe they made a mistake. (Apparently they haven't yet found a way to blame the white settlers -- the few hundred that are left -- for the rapes and violence.) But it's too late.

The monster is loose and rampages through the land. No international court of justice will stop him, and there is no reliable justice system in his own country. Only a sudden case of lead poisoning will save Zimbabwe from his further depradations.

Living in the shadow of its own past

Long, long ago, when Walt was a schoolboy, every classroom was adorned with a map of the world, courtesy of a chocolate bar manufacturer. The map showed the British Empire -- all the big and tiny bits of it -- in a deep pink. We could see that it was indeed the empire on which the sun never set.

Today the chocolate bar company has disappeared. So has the British Empire, save for a few rocky specks all but lost in huge seas of blue. But the British are still suffering from the impact of having once had a mighty empire, but being the most powerful nation on earth no more.

So says The Economist in an excellent column in this week's print edition.* The legacy of empire is, according to "Bagehot" the tiger under the dining room table, or the Indian elephant in the living room, which informs British attitudes and thinking even today. Bagehot gives three examples.

Why did Tony Blair overcommit his country to the American war in Iraq? "One theory...is that his militarism and messianism, the mix of responsibility and entitlement that he evinced, are part of the inheritance of all post-imperial British leaders."

"Playing Boy Wonder to America's Batman", as historian Linda Colley puts it, is British politicians' only chance of maintaining a global role. Or it could be that they yearn for long-past greatness because of a fear of being emasculated by America.

According to Bagehot, empire is also implicated in Britain's exposure to the great financial debacle of the last 18 months. It is from the days of empire, he argues, that Britons get their commerical habits -- not the most aggressive or businesslike of nations -- and an "overmighty financial sector", preoccupied with foreign deals and insulated to its detriment from the domestic economy.

And of course there is immigration, "the most obvious domestic legacy" of empire. Coincidentally, the Economist prints on the facing page an article headed "This sceptical isle". It points out that according to a recent survey, Britons are less keen on immigration than most people in Europe and North America.

(It may come as a shock to Walt's readers that Americans and Canadians are generally more tolerant than not. Only a third of Canadians, [only?! ed.] have negative attitudes to immigrants and immigration. Americans are apparently not so tolerant, but still less embittered than Brits.)

"Though notionally welcomed by a 1948 act," Bagehot writes, "colonial immigrants caused alarm when they actually turned up." [Stop the presses! ed.] British attitudes have become progressively blacker ever since, in spite of a 1962 curtailment of entry rights and subsequent tightening of various loopholes.

Now Britons worry, rightly, about the beliefs and actions of the children of immigrants venting perceived "grievances [that] have reverberated through the generations". In other words, Enoch Powell was right in everything about the magnitude of the racial disharmony which he foresaw. (Bagehot didn't say that. I did!)

So what is the upshot of all this? Bagehot opines that the British are still in denial. They have yet to deal with the emotional and intellectual fallout of empire. He calls the British -- and he is one of them -- "deluded and yet morbidly disappointed".

What they must do but have not, he argues, is to somehow "overcome this sense of thwartedness and decline, and come up with a notion of Britishness to replace the defunct imperial version."

* This article is available online only to subscribers to the print edition, thus I can't give you a link. Sorry.

I love a holiday parade

New Yorkers have their Macy's parade on Thanksgiving. Torontonians have their Santa Claus parade around the same time. And there are countless small-town versions of these festive holiday events.

We seem to be in danger of forgetting that the parades are related to Christian celebrations. Thanksgiving was instituted by Protestant Christians to thank God for His bounty. And of course Christmas is -- or should be -- a joyous celebration of the coming of the Son of God, the Saviour of mankind.

Sadly, in today's post-secular age, the religious connotations of the events are all but forgotten. Except by the non-Christians. The minorities seem to resent the majority celebrating special events in the Christian calendar. So we have the campaign -- and it is a campaign, not just a spontaneous movement -- to take God out of Thanksgiving and Christ out of Christmas. Hey, why not abolish the words "Thanksgiving" and "Christmas" altogether? The politically correct thing, now, is to have a "Winter Holiday Parade"!

I was reminded of this while watching the TV coverage of a Santa Claus parade the other day. The commentators, ever so politically correct, kept using the phrase "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas". As in, "And here's Santa, waving at the crowd, wishing everyone a happy holiday."

It's enough to make you puke. God forbid that we should be anything less than inclusive. Sorry, but Santa says, "Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!"

If African-Americans want to celebrate Kwanzaa (which real Africans have never heard of) or Muslims want to celebrate Eid, or Hindus want to celebrate Diwali, let them organize their own damn parades! Instead of Santa Claus they could have actors portraying Idi Amin (he was a Muslim, supposedly) or Yassir Arafat or Mahatma Gandhi...nice jolly characters that epitomize their cultures.

Parades for every culture and every religion. Another great idea from Walt!

Just dying to go

Florida. A glorious April day in 2008. Traffic was moving slowly on southbound I-95. Shawn Montero had left a Pompano Beach bar with three friends, and now all four were stuck in traffic. As we all know, you don't buy beer, you just rent it. Shawn couldn't wait another moment to relieve himself. "I need to take a leak."

Traffic was deadlocked, so the waterlogged man climbed out, put his hand on the divider, and jumped over the low concrete wall... only to fall 65 feet to his death.
"He probably thought there was a road, but there wasn't," said a Fort Lauderdale police spokesman.

His mother shared her thoughts. "Shawn didn't do a whole lot for a living. He got along on his charm, just like his father."

Though his death was tragic, it proves the old adage. "Look before you leak!"

Seen on the Darwin Awards website. Check it out for more examples of egregious and usually fatal stupidity.

Separated at birth?

Am I the only one to have noticed the similarity between Sesame Street's beloved Count von Count (left) and not-so-beloved Russian hockey superstar Alexander Ovechkin?

Perhaps they are twins who were separated at birth. I think we should be told!

Selling toothpaste the politically correct way

Quick, now! What are some of the things you know for sure? You know that all engineers are illiterate, right? And all people of sub-Saharan African descent have beautiful gleaming white teeth. Right? "It's a good thing he was smiling or I'd never have seen him!" Such is the power of the stereotype.

Which brings us to Darlie toothpaste, which I hadn't seen since my daze in China, but noticed in an Asian convenience store yesterday. As you can see, "Darlie" used to be called "Darkie". In Chinese it's still 黑人 hēi rén, or "black person". In fact they have an advertising slogan in Chinese: "Black Man Toothpaste is still Black Man Toothpaste".

Political correctness dictated the name change when Colgate-Palmolive bought Hawley & Hazel, the Taiwanese manufacturers, in 1985. At that time the original name was "Darkie", which, Wikipedia tells us "is a term used primarily to refer to black people". Ah. I see.

Anyway, rest assured. You can use Darlie with full confidence that your teeth can look just like Al Jolson's. Al Jolson, by the way, was white.

The Million Dollar Question

Agent 38 has forwarded this politically incorrect story...

Sally, competing on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?', had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000! If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

As she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was:
Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture

Sally was on the spot! She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was...well...a blonde.

But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly, 'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.'

Sally had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.

Crossing her fingers, Sally said, 'C: The cuckoo.'
'Is that your final answer?'
'Yes, that is my final answer.'
'That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!'

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. 'I just don't know how to thank you, ' said Sally. 'But how did you happen to know the right answer?'

'Oh, come on,' said the blonde. 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks!'