Wally Award: Funniest Headline of the Year

Time for one more award as we close out the year. The coveted Wally for Funniest Headline of the Year goes to the wretches at Yahoo! News who came up with this one.  

Writes itself, doesn't it? The actual headline by BBC News science reporter Alicia Curry [or her editor! Ed.] was "Blue Origin astronaut reveals depression after 'tsunami of harassment'", but there's nothing funny about that... right, ladies?

2nd Cdn Chief of Defence Staff resigns over sexual harassment claim

Less than a month ago [on February 4th, to be exact. Ed.] Walt told youthe sad story of Canadian Army General Jonathan Vance, who was forced to step down from his position as Chief of Defence Staff over concerns about his alleged intimate relationship with a junior officer. Tsk, tsk. "Me Too!"

That was kind of funny (not "funny curious" but "funny haha") because Gen. Vance was the driving force behind "Operation Honour", the Canuck military's PR campaign to quash sexual misconduct in the forces. French-speaking members of the military quickly transformed the name of the exercise into "`Op On Her".

Nothing deterred, the alleged government of Liberal Prime Minister Blackie McBlackface appoint a new CDS, in the person of Admiral Art McDonald. In announcing the appointment, Mr Socks praised him in these words: "Vice-Admiral Ronald... sorry... Art McDonald brings decades of experience in a variety of command and staff roles, and I am confident that he will provide dedicated leadership to the Canadian Armed Forces as they continue to respond wherever is needed to protect Canadians and our values."

"Canadian values"... yes... sure. Just two days ago, Adm. McDonald sent a message to all Canadian Forces personnel saying he was committed to earning their trust as well as taking bold action against sexual misconduct! 

The ink was barely dry on the press release when a source contacted the meeja with a series of allegations of sexual misconduct, complete with the specific file number for an ongoing police investigation that had been launched a month earlier. 

A victim had come forward and multiple witnesses were providing corroborating statements to police, the source noted. Just seven hours later, 45 minutes before midnight, Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan (the Hero of Afghanistan -- you can look it up) announced the CDS was "voluntarily" leaving the job "until the probe was completed." 

Whether Adm. McDonald will regain his position as Monarch of the Sea remains to be seen, but at least Canucks can be glad that, unlike the British Navy, which has always "run on rum and buggery", Her Majesty's Canadian Navy is staffed by officers and men [and women. Ed.] who are resolutely heterosexual.

Canada's top general latest victim of "Me Too"

Meet General Jonathan Holbert Vance, CMM, MSC, CD, recently --very recently -- retired from the Canadian Army. General Vance served as the chief of the Defence Staff of the Canadian Armed Forces from 2015 to 2021. 

As reported here -- see "Canadian Armed Forces' 'Operation Hop on Her'", WWW 26/10/15 --  Jonboy was also the driving force behind Operation Honour, the military's PR campaign to quash sexual misconduct in the Canadian Forces, or at least stop people from talking about it. 

But (as Walt reported) Canadian boys will be Canadian boys [except of course for those who haven't had the op yet. Ed.] It didn't take long for some uniformed wags to come up with a new name for the plan. Some recruits at the Royal Military College, as well as other Canadian Forces personnel including individuals at National Defence headquarters in Ottawa, transmuted "Op Honour" to "Hop On `Er". [Geddit? If not, imagine saying "Op Honour" with a French-Canadian accent. It's a pun! Ed.] 

Now that General Vance has stepped down from his lofty position, some junior officers are suggesting that his alleged [We media professionals always say that. Ed.] behaviour undercut that initiative.

They say now that concerns about Jonboy's alleged relationships with female subordinates [Female! Nothing wrong with Jonboy. Ed.] were talked about among military leaders and in the defence community over the past several years, but no action was taken because "no official complaints were ever filed." 

(That's the same excuse used by former Governor General Julie Payette, even though it was disclosed earlier this week that indeed a complaint had been lodged even while the investigation into her unregal behaviour was under way.)

Yesterday, the Canadian Forces announced it will investigate allegations about the former chief of the defence staff. National Defence spokesthingy Dan "the Man" Le Bouthillier said the investigation will be independent but added that the "specifics around any investigation have yet to be determined." In other words (translated from government-speak), they're going to investigate something, but they don't know what.

The investigation follows a report by Canada's Global News that General Vance allegedly had an ongoing relationship with a woman he significantly outranked. [Not a non-com, shurely! Ed.] Global also reported the general is alleged to have made a sexual suggestion [not to be confused with a suggestion related to sex and travel? Ed.] to a second, much younger soldier in 2012, before he was appointed chief of the defence staff. So presumably that doesn't count.

But wait, as Vince Offer (the SlapChop guy) used to say; there's more! "Sources" say concerns about allegations of General Vance's alleged behaviour were acknowledged among senior staff and their wives when the general was named as chief of the defence staff in 2015 by then Prime Minister Steve Harpoon. 

Other generals were also aware of allegations and some National Defence headquarters staff discussed the situation among themselves but without formal complaints from the women they did nothing. Although the relationships may have been consensual, sources say there were concerns about the alleged "power-imbalance" of having a senior officer allegedly in a relationship with a woman in lower-ranked positions.

That's enough alleged allegations for today. We're certain General Vance is an officer and a gentleman. Or at least, he used to be. Ed.

Egyptian woman jailed for sexual harassment... of monkey!

Walt is a clean-living guy and doesn't pay a lot of attention to stories about sexual perversions, unless of course it's the ones recommended in the new sex-ed curriculum introduced by Ontario's former Liberal government and now "being reviewed" by the Conservative Ford government. But every now and then I see a story about bestiality -- humans having sex with animals -- which is sick but (IMHO) funny.

Earlier this month we had a story from Zimbabwe involving a man and a goat. Other countries mentioned in the past included the USA (Alabama), Germany and Canada. Since, as we all know, Islam forbids such things, I didn't think I would ever see such a story emanating from a Muslim country. I was wrong!

Yesterday the Arabic website Albawaba reported a case in the Mansoura (Egypt) Misdemeanor Court in which a housewife was sentenced to three years in prison for sexually harassing a monkey in a pet shop in Mansoura city by touching its genitals. The actual charges were: inciting sedition, "provoking emotions" [Emotions are illegal in Egypt? Ed.] and committing lewd acts in public.

Unfortunately, Ed. has been unable to find the video of the incident which Albawaba says went viral on social media in October. Apparently it showed the defendant touching the genitals of a monkey in a public store "with the intention of arousing the animal's sexual instincts and inciting the public to commit adultery." Don't people often get such feelings when watching the monkeys at the zoo?

The police identified the suspect, a woman named Nesma, 25, who resides in a village in Dakahlia government. Inspector Mohammed testified that Nesma had previously been charged in a prostitution case and was trying to promote herself by using this video. She confessed that, with the help of a friend who was recording the video, she tried to arouse the monkey sexually by fondling its genitals. Albawaba does not specify whether the monkey was male or female but perhaps that's best left to readers' imagination.

I'm reminded of an old joke about two British army officers who were stationed in Egypt during the British occupation in World War I. As they chatted in the mess, one said to the other, "Did you hear about Smedley? Got drummed out of the corps for having sex with a camel!"
Asked the other, "Male or female camel?"
"Female, of course," the first replied. "Nothing wrong with old Smedley!"

Meanwhile, in the Muslim-majority nation of Indonesia, a zoo keeper at the Surabaya zoo has been arrested and charged with sexual assault on a number of animals, including impregnating a female orangutan.

Worldnewsdailyreport.com reposts an item in the Kalimantan Press which says the 38-year-old man was caught red-handed (so to speak) by hidden cameras put in place by the zoo's security officials after the man's "devious actions" towards the zoo animals aroused suspicion.

A longtime zoo employee, obviously troubled by the news, told the meeja, "Some animals seemed sexually aroused when it was time to feed them. But what made us most suspicious was when we discovered Marylin, our oldest orangutan, was pregnant. She has never been in contact with any other orangutans because of her aggressive nature, so it didn't make any sense."

Note from Ed.: Limitation of space preclude any more stories about bestiality. We also wish to make clear that the monkey pictured is not the alleged victim of the Egyptian woman. [It's a chimpanzee, not a monkey! Walt]

UPDATED: VIDEO: Why Al Franken has to quit and POTUS doesn't

I saw clips from soon-to-be-ex-Senator Al Franken's churlish and mean-spirited announcement that he would be leaving the Senate at some unspecified time in the future. The New York Times described the Democratic Senator from Minnesota as "emotional...defiant and mournful but hardly contrite" as he denied allegations of having groped and made improper advances towards "at least" six women.

Mr Franken again denied the allegations but said he'd resign anyway -- a strange position for a lawmaker of the US of A, where everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Why didn't he insist on having his day in court, so he could confront his accusers mano-a-womano and show them up for the Trumpian conspirators that they undoubtedly are?

Instead, as his Democratic colleagues -- the ones who threw him under the bus -- looked on, the SNL alumnus took a parting shot at President Trump and Judge Roy Moore, the Republican candidate in today's special election in Alabama. (Walt predicts Judge Moore will win by a comfortable margin. Lifetime pct .989.)

Groping for words (this time), Mr Franken told the meeja "I, of all people, am aware that there is some irony in the fact that I am leaving while a man who has bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office, and a man who has repeatedly preyed on young girls campaigns for the Senate with the full support of his party."

What Mr Franken really meant is: "How come I have to quit and the other two don't?" Walt will explain four words: It's that picture, stupid! Unlike President Trump or Judge Moore, Mr Franken has been caught red-handed, so to speak.

The allegations of misbehaviour against Judge Moore are decades old, and the only "evidence" that has been produced is an inscription alleged to be in the high school yearbook belong to one of the accusers, of which only a photo has been made public. The lawyer for the offended woman refuses to produce the actual yearbook so the authenticity of the not-very-damning writing can be verified.

The case against President Trump is even weaker, weak to the point of being non-existent. There is only the little Billy Bush video clip in which (if you believe it hasn't been tampered with) you can hear Mr Trump saying that, because of his celebrity status, he could, if he wanted to, grab a woman by the pussy and get away with it. If he wanted to! He didn't say he did that, and no-one -- no-one! -- has come forward to say he did that, or anything like it.

Compare that with the numerous allegation of sexual harassment and misconduct made against Mr Franken's political crony, Bill Clinton, for crimes and misdemeanours which he committed while he was in office as Governor of Arkansas or President of the Excited States of America. In spite of the shitload of evidence against him, Hellery's husband was never impeached and never resigned, so if and when Mr Franken actually leaves the Senate, we'll give him that one. Resigning would show that, at last, he gets it!

BREAKING NEWS: UPDATED AT 1000 today: Beverly Young Nelson has finally admitted that she forged a portion of the infamous high school yearbook that she and attorney Gloria Allred used as proof of her accusations against US Senate candidate Judge Roy Moore. Click here to read the story on Breitbart News. Great timing, eh, since the special election is less than a week away.

With his usual impeccable timing, our good friend Michael Matt, editor of The Remnant, has just posted a video in which he  discusses sexual harassment in politics and entertainment, and asks the question: Where is the media's newfound moral indignation coming from? What did they expect after 50 years of sexual revolution, classroom sex education, free love, and women demanding to be treated just like men? Plus, is there a connection between all of this and the total breakdown of modesty in dress in our culture?

Walt remembers well the hippy-dippy 60s, in which all this started. The middle of that decade coincided with the Second Vatican Council, the beginning of the suicide of the Roman Catholic Church. The steady decline of Western society started in those years. I expect that decline to end -- in the total collapse of western civilization -- any day now.