It's official! Monkeypox is the new Covid is the new AIDs etc

Pandemics. They're everywhere! [Geddit? Ed.] Back in the good ole days all you had to get vaccinated against was smallpox, yellow fever, cholera, malaria, that sort of thing. But since the hippy-dippy 60s, when we learned that "free love" and "doing your own thing" without regard to the consequences was not just acceptable but commendable, we've had HIV/AIDs, SARS, bird flu, swine flu, Wuhan flu (aka Covid) and its Delta, Omicron etc variants. One health "emergency", which turns into a "crisis", after another. Arentcha sick of them? [Geddit? Ed.]

Although he still looks sick to me, President Brandon is said to be recovering from his second bout of Covid. He tells us, now, to keep getting vaccinated, over and over, and keep wearing a mask. Even so, he and Dr Death say, you're probably going to catch Covid anyway. In other words, the "emergency" is over. This is the new normal. Get used to it. 

That means a new "crisis" must be invented. Step forward monkeypox.

From darkest Africa, where the disease is endemic, monkeypox has spread rapidly to Europe and then to North America -- the Western World where intimate contact between male homosexuals (read: gay sex) is just as normal as straight sex used to be.

The "authorities" tell us that the monkeypox virus spreads through "prolonged skin-to-skin contact", which includes sex, kissing, breathing at close range, and sharing bedding and clothing, such as posing pouches. [Look it up. Ed.] Health officials are asking "people who could be at risk" to cover exposed skin when out in crowds and to watch out for symptoms, such as fever, blisters and rashes.

The lickspittle media are deliberately vague about who comprises the "at-risk populations", but now that the World Health Organization has declared the monkeypox outbreak in more than 70 countries a "global emergency", the LGBTQ2S+++ community itself is demanding that the rest of us spring to their assistance.

A state of emergency has now been declared by... wait for it... London Breed, the mayor of San Francisco. The city faces a public health crisis reminiscent of the AIDs epidemic that began devastating the city in the 1980s. "We are in desperate need of vaccines to support the people of San Francisco," she said, adding that the city has been pleading with federal health officials for more help, but to no avail.

The declaration was welcomed by gay advocates who have grown increasingly frustrated by what they called San Francisco's lacklustre response to a virus that affects "primarily men who have sex with men," although (they hasten to add) anyone can get infected.

State Senator Scott Wiener (D) said "San Francisco was at the forefront of the public health responses to HIV and COVID-19, and we will be at the forefront when it comes to monkeypox." Dr Susan Philip, San Francisco's answer to Dr Fauci, said "We can't and won't leave the LGBTQ community out to dry."

Thirty percent of all cases in California -- 261 out of roughly 800 -- are in San Francisco. There about 4600 cases nationwide.  A shortage of vaccine has resulted in people waiting in line for hours to catch a dose, often to be turned away when the shots run out. So far no-one has suggested the alternative, which would be for men to stop having sex with each other. Too Biblical, I guess.

9-1-1? Help! My dog licked me!

Whaddya do when something -- anything -- goes wrong? Why, call 9-1-1 of course! What if my dog, with his horrible doggy breath and wet doggy tongue, licks my face? That's right! Call 9-1-1-!

Must have been a slow news day yesterday, because CBC News made space and time for a story about people tying up the 9-1-1 emergency call service with pocket dials and calls that are just plain stupid.

The Emergency Management Office of the Canadian province of Nova Scotia [It figures. Ed.] says 20% of all 9-1-1 calls are pocket dials -- when you sit on your phone and your buttock presses the speed dial number -- or other non-emergencies. Said dispatcher Michelle Burhoe, "It makes it a little more difficult for us to concentrate on one task at a time because we're constantly stopping to answer the 911 calls when they're pocket dials."

The pocket dials cause trouble because the operator has to stay on the line until she/he can confirm that the call really isn't an emergency, which means that the caller has to pick up the phone and fess up. If the caller can't or won't talk to the dispatcher, police must respond, which is annoying for all concerned and costly to taxpayers.

Bogus emergencies are a problem too. Ms Burhoe recounts an incident in which "We had a 911 call from a man who wasn't sure if he needed medical attention because he was licked by a puppy. We [also] had a little boy call because he was terrified of a spider."

Constable Pierre Bourdage of Halifax Regional Police said officers were called to 5,300 misdialed 9-1-1 calls in 2013. "A police officer will give you a little warning," he said, "and sometimes it's a child, or the phone was knocked over. But we do have to check that everyone is safe and no one is in danger."

Bogus calls can attract a hefty fine. If you do misdial, Walt advises you to stay on the line to tell them, so police aren’t dispatched. If you're embarrassed, just say you meant to dial 9-1-2. You're welcome.

Further reading: When your dog licks your face, is he/she/it actually giving you a kiss? See Dog licking your face and what it means