True story: Be careful what you wish for...

This picture of a charging African elephant was taken by Gary Freeman (left) a longtime safari guide in South Africa.

We must emphasize that the late Mr Freeman [Wut?! Ed.] was not your typical Great White Hunter, but a guide. He loved animals in general, and elephants in particular. He allegedly once declared that he "would rather be killed by" an elephant than shoot one. 

And so he was. Mr Freeman was leading a walking safari at Klaserie Private Nature Reserve in the Limpopo province of South Africa on April 9th when he died in an elephant attack. Mr Freeman was taking a tour group through the reserve, which he owned. 

The group had got out of their vehicle to proceed on foot when, according to the polisie, "an elephant suddenly emerged and charged at him. He tried to scare it off with the revolver he was carrying, but he was ultimately attacked by the elephant."

Sometimes life has a sudden yet inconclusive end. Blog posts too.

Whatever you do, don't fart!

Bonbshell news from France th is weekend! Late Saturday night, a 24-year-old man was rushed to the Rangueil Accident and Emergency unit in Toulouse,  "in a state of extreme discomfort, having inserted a large object up his rectum.’ 

An evacuation of the hospital was ordered with seconds, when the large object was discovered to be a World War I artillery shell, still live after all these years. A spokesthing for the authorities told the meeja "Emergency surgery was carried out, and the object was found to be an artillery shell dating back to the First World War. Worse still, it had not exploded, and so bomb disposal experts had to be called to diffuse the shell, with the fire brigade standing by."

Staff and patients were evacuated and a security perimeter was set up around the accident and emergency unit, before the pointed 1918 shell, which was almost 8 inches long and just over an inch in circumference, was declared safe.

The patient, a French national, was set to be interviewed by police this week. Inspector Clouseau of the Toulouse gendarmerie said prosecutors were contemplating legal action against the patient for "handling 'category A munitions."

There was no initial explanation as to why the shell ended up in the man’s body, but local media speculated that "it might have had something to do with his social life."

La Dépêche newspaper writes that medical staff in Toulouse are "accustomed to treating victims injured during sexual games." Shells such as the one found in the patient's nether regions turn up regularly in the fields of France in the so-called "Iron Harvest"’ – the annual collection of often unexploded ordnance from the two world wars found on farmland, building sites, and other disrupted land.

Scott Adams reveals (admits?) the origins of "Dilbert"

Regular readers of WWW know that Walt [and Ed.! Ed.] are regular readers of Dilbert, the only comic strip that makes of today's woke America. (It has therefore been banned by dozens of newspapers.) True fans know that Dilbert has a strongly autobiographical flavour, but Mr Adams has never said as much in the strip itself. Until today.

Not that it was a secret. The story has been told in interviews with Mr Adams, and in the dust jacket blurbs on his books. Here's the Wikipedia version.   

Scott Raymond Adams (born 8 June 1957) is an American author and cartoonist. He is the creator of the syndicated Dilbert comic strip, and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, and business. Dilbert gained national prominence during the downsizing period in 1990s America and reached a worldwide audience. 

Mr Adams worked in various business roles before he became a full-time cartoonist in 1995. He writes in a satirical, often sarcastic way about the social and psychological landscape of white-collar workers in modern corporations.

Well, there's more to it than that. For years, Scott Adams welcomed True Stories from the insanely funny real world of business, and worked them into his strips, just as the second panel of today's strip says. 

Latterly, life in America -- not just the business world -- has got so ridiculous that he no longer needs to solicit stories. All he has to do is read the papers. As witness this week's politically incorrect strips in which the pointy-haired boss interviews diverse candidates -- a white woman, a south Asian man and a Black man -- to apply for a new position as head of AI, just to comply with "ESG" mandates, only to give the job to Tina the tech writer, who knows nothing about AI. 

In today's woke America, that's not satire, folks, that's just reporting. Walt [and Ed.! Ed.] wish Scott Adams continued success. Keep on truckin'! Honk honk!

VIDEO: Kansas City pastor disgusted with "cheap" congregation who wouldn't buy him a new watch

Agent 17 has submitted to Walt's True Stories competition a jaw-dropper reported yesterday in the Kansas City Star (and elsewhere).

Pictured at right are Rev. Carlton Funderburke and Rev. Sylarena Funderburke, co-pastors of the evangelical Church of the Well in Kansas City MO, which they founded some years ago.

The Funderburkes and their three children manage to live on an annual income in the vicinity of $70,000, which they receive from their congregation in a city where the median household income is $56,179. 

Rev. Carlton described his faithful followers as "poor" while delivering a stinging rebuke to them, captured on the video below, for not buying him a Movado watch for which he had asked a year ago! 

Movados sell for $395 to $3295, but surely (he told astonished worshippers) that's not too much to give to "take care of God's shepher." As he paced around the stage on Sunday, August 7th, he called his congregation "poor, broke, busted, and disgusted." Give a listen.

   

Just in case you can't open the video, or don't believe a man of the cloth could be so avaricious, here are a few more of Rev. Carlton's choice words.

"I'm not worth your McDonald's money? I'm not worth your Red Lobster money? I ain't worth your St. John Knits -- y'all can't afford it nohow. I ain't worth your Louis Vuitton? I ain't worth your Prada? I'm not worth your Gucci?"

He went on to say that he was wanted his members to "know what God is saying.... Ooh, you can buy a Movado at Sam's [Club] and you know I asked for one last year. And here it is all the way in August and I still ain't got it. Let me kick down the door and talk to my cheap sons and daughters."

The video, posted to TikTok four days ago, has racked up hundreds of thousands of views and comments. The Funderburkes' congregation plans to take up a collection this coming Sunday to enrol Rev. Carlton in a Remedial English course.

True Stuff Dept: Feather Fanciers flock together

Knowing Walt's fascination with fowl [sp? Ed.] stories, Agent 78 has passed on an invitation to attend an upcoming meeting of the Niagara Feather Fanciers. It began, "Learn what it would like to fly with a flock of feather fanciers." Expecting this to involve some kind of deviant sex, I read on...

The Niagara Feather Fanciers, a group of hobbyists who raise poultry, will be hosting an open house,. Visitors will be taken through four stations that highlight some of the key points for those getting into the hobby.

Exhibition poultry is a popular pastime for thousands of people throughout North America. Members take part in shows on both side of the border. They also meet regularly to discuss things happening in the world of exhibition poultry and share tips and advice with each other.

The four stations at the open house will cover: nutrition, disease and health of exhibition poultry; how to set up breeding pens and record keeping; washing and preparing your birds for the show; and learning about the Standard of Perfection and how it is used to judge poultry.

It's being billed as a hands-on event, with various types of chickens and birds there for viewing. Registration is required and there will be cost of $10 per person to cover expenses. Visitors will receive a lunch.

Agent 78 wants to know if she should wear a feather boa. Want walts to know what's for lunch.

Footnote: The Buff Orpington is not just a figment of Chuck Jones' imagination. Here's a magnificant rooster and hen of that breed.

Still more "Funny Business"

Happy New Year to Agent 34, who has forwarded this to our "True Stuff" editor, for inclusion in the "Funny Business" category.

 

Our assiduous editor did a fact check to make sure this is real enouogh for Walt's "True Stuff" section, and found that although Mr Archie never went to law school, he somehow passed the bar of North Carolina with flying colours. 

In the November 2018 elections, the lifelong Democrat (surprised?) ran for judge of the North Carolina 18th Judicial District. He won Seat 2 on said court, assumed office on 1 January 2019. He will be up for re-election this November. 

About race and politics in North Carolina, that's all ye know and all ye need to know.

More "True Photos", "Funny Business Section"

Some of the funniest True Things that Walt has collected over the years are clever business names and slogans, like this one.

New submissions are welcome and will be entered in Walt's "True Stuff" competition. (Agents and employees are not eligible for prizes.) Agent 6, who we believe is snowed in this morning, has sent this beauty.

Not that we doubt #6, but we'd like to hear from a licence plate collector who can identify the state/province/whatever in which this van is registered. The style of the plate would suggest Philippines or Mexico, which would explain why there's no mention of heating, just refrigeration and air con. Be cool, guys!

Note from Ed.: Send your submissions to the usual email address. We'll publish the good ones, but don't count on a prize, or even an acknowledgment. (But you never know...)

You can't make this stuff up....

Ed. here. Thanks to Agent 6 for these two submissions to Walt's "True stories and photos" contest. You understand it's not really a contest, just our way of getting some funny (but true!) stuff to share to relieve the tension of a steady diet of unfunny (but true!) news. Check these out.

No wonder aliens don't bother invading us

This is shocking!

Thanks to all who participated. We hope to see more in the new (and better?) year.

Walt wants your true stories and photos!

There was bound to be one somewhere. This Ford dealership is in Wellington OH. Reported by "Just A Car Guy". 

Ed. here. Chuckling at the True Stories and photos of signs like this one (although this came from elsewhere) in the August 1987 issue of National Lampoon gave us an idea. We invite YOU, dear reader, to e-mail us true (and funny!) stories and photos from your local meeja or your own photo collection. We'll publish some of the best, from time to time, and contributors will receive... hmmm, lessee... how about a nice picture of Le Patriote (Le Vieux de `37), suitable for framing if you have a small frame.

Stories and photos must be from a verifiable source, e.g. a URL or newspaper clipping with name of paper and date, and must be suitable for inclusion in Walt's family-oriented blog.  No photos of kiddies (under 18), or anything that couldn't be printed without censor bars. Memes are OK. 

Receipt of e-mails will not be acknowledged. If you want the little reward, be sure to include your postal address. Let's see whatcha got!