P.K. can't be trusted on the P.K.!

The first "P.K." stands for Pernell Karl Subban, Norris Trophy-winning defenceman (?) and resident hotdog with the Montréal Canadiens. The second "P.K." stands for "Penalty Kill", which is what you have to do when a member of your team is sitting in the sin bin. That's when you want a defenceman who can actually play defence. Which (as we pointed out last week) is what the first P.K. can't do.

Sadly, P.K. can't be trusted on the Power Play [Just skip the initials. Ed.] either. We learned that this afternoon, when the Canadiens (a.k.a. the Kids from Montréal, pictured) hosted the Tampa Bay Lightning (a.k.a. the Bolts -- much better name for a hockey team) au Centre Bell in Canada's most exciting city.

It wasn't much of a game for the first period. Both teams seemed intent on a bit of a siesta. With no score several minutes into the second stanza [Sounding like a sports writer, Len! Ed.] it seemed as if the first goal would be the winner. Then TB took a penalty and the Habs went on the (occasionally) deadly power play. What happened then was terrible to behold.

On the power play, Subban and whoever's stuck with him on defence are supposed to play on the points, meaning just inside either end of the opposition's blue line. Even with the man advantage, the two defencemen may still have to make a defensive play -- for instance, stopping the opposition from clearing the puck over the blue line and out of their zone. P.K. does that about, errr, half the time.

On this occasion, as a result of being in deep rather than close to the blue line, Subban saw the puck go by him, with two TB players chasing it, and only his defence partner skating furiously backward. The defensive play, one on two, is for the defenceman to take the opposition player closest to him and let the goalie -- the estimable Carey Price -- face the other one. It would have worked this time too had P.K. not decided to stick his stick in between the TB player and Price, to stop the shot (see?) as if Price couldn't do so on his own.

Sadly, the shot hit P.K.'s stick right on the tape and caromed past Price's outstretched hand. Advantage Tampa Bay! Goat horns to Subban!

Today's question: Why is P.K. Subban immune from criticism when, as happens too often, he makes a mistake and then compounds it trying to recover? Could it be because he's, errr, black -- one of the few black players in the NHL and the only one ever to play for Montréal.

Yeah, could be. Whatever the reason, only the play-by-play commentators on RDS (the French-language channel) mentioned Subban's habit of making decisions that cause coaches to tear their hair out. That he scored an own goal was not talked about at all on the CBC telecast. The sportscast during the CTV evening news showed the Montréal goal which tied the game, and Tampa Bay's overtime game-winner. But the first goal, deflected by P.K. into his own net? Not shown. Nothing. Rien.

In fact, Subban's sub-par performances have been quietly overlooked ever since he was named to Canada's Olympic hockey team in spite of his reputation for being defensively "risky". If anyone has noticed that Habs coach Michel Therrien never plays P.K. on the P.K. -- and how could his absence not have been noticed -- they keep silent about it.

Eight defencemen have been chosen for the Canadian Olympic team. But coach Mike Babcock doesn't have to play or even dress all eight. Canadians who want their team to win should hope that political correctness doesn't force Babcock to trust P.K. to defend against some of the best players in the rest of the world.

Memo to Marc Bergevin: It's time to trade Subban!

Memo from Poor Len Canayen to Marc Bergevin:
As our readers know, the proprietor of this blog and I are big fans of your Montréal Canadiens, a.k.a. Les Glorieux. We are disappointed in the extreme that for the week last past week they have been anything but.

Three straight losses! That's unacceptable! Before the team falls out of what seemed to be a guaranteed playoff spot, something must be done! Here's our analysis and recommendation.

Goaltending: You've got two Olympians, both of whom were playing very well until this month. Wednesday night Petr Budaj let in zero goals. Unfortunately Carey Price let in five. (Therrien left him in the game one goal too long.) Price has every reason to feel demoralized. To use the old cliché, he should sue his defence for non-support.

Offence: The current edition of les Canadiens is never going to score a lot of goals. You should be able to count on 2, or maybe 3 on a good night. 5-spots are rare. But Wednesday night and last night they managed only one (1). You've got a couple of guys who aren't contributing. Here's a short list:
Rene Bourque -- Shows signs of trying hard but can't find the back of the net. We hear you've already shopped him around, with no takers. Send him to Hamilton and give someone else a chance.
Daniel Brière -- Past his sell-by date. Could he be traded?
Lars Eller -- We like Eller a lot and wouldn't like to see him gone. Perhaps the solution is to reunite the "EGG" line, once (as we hope) Galchenyuk's injured hand heals.
Michael Bournival -- Back to Hamilton for more experience, especially when playing without the puck.

Defence: What defence? You'd think out of eight or nine guys you could get two reliable pairs. Our comments:
Andrei Markov -- Never a speedster, now getting old and obviously his bunged-up knee will never be the same. But the team wouldn't be where it is now without him. Forgive him for the game against Pittsburgh. He just can't keep up, 25 minutes a game, any more.
Alexei Emelin -- Is a puzzlement. He bangs and crashes with the best of them, but doesn't seem to be reading the plays very well. Leave him with Markov and you've got one good (if not exceptional) pair.
Josh Gorges -- Gorgeous Gorges, a capable stay-at-home defenceman, great shot-blocker. And a real team leader. He too is doing his best and will be OK, but who to play with him?
Rafael Diaz -- Why did he have to watch from the press box on Wednesday and Friday? He hasn't been any worse than the other defencelessmen. He's competent enough, just lacks the toughness to really intimidate opposing forwards.

So -- leaving aside last year's Norris trophy winner -- there's your top four. Now let's look at:
Francis Bouillon -- Another member of the over-the-hill gang, but still OK as long as he doesn't have to play two games in two nights. Could play with Gorges if needed.
Douglas Murray -- Has improved and has the toughness Diaz and others lack, but soooo slow. Makes the much-missed (by us) Hal Gill look like a speedster. We couldn't believe Therrien paired him with Subban last night. They probably only saw each other in the dressing room.
Nathan Beaulieu and Jarred Tinordi -- Two more not ready for the NHL.

Which brings us to:
Pernell Karl Subban -- Marc, it's time to think the unthinkable and speak the unspeakable. The team would be better off trading Subban for an impact forward!

It's time to stop making excuses for P.K. He's not a kid any more, and he doesn't learn from his many mistakes. First, he needs to learn how to skate. Maybe he's top-heavy, or maybe he has equipment problems, but he seems to keep falling down. And when he does a tight turn, the knuckles of his free hand drag on the ice! Secondly, he needs to learn to play defence. His job should be not to score goals -- although that's appreciated -- but to keep guys like Sid the Kid from scoring goals! Thirdly, he needs to stop being a "heat score". He's very visible [a vizmin! Ed.] and the referees don't like him.

Speaking of "don't like him", you've got to stop glossing over the fact that Subban is disliked not just by fans of every other team, but by some of his own teammates. The Russians (Markov and Emelin) won't play with him. Erik Cole went to Dallas in a "me-or-him" decision. And stories of dressing room dissension persist. Subban is a puck hog, a hot dog, a distraction and a divisive force in the room. Get rid of him!

"But where?", we hear you ask, Marc. Why, Toronto, of course! Subban is a Toronto boy, the Leafs' defence is woeful, and P.K. can be a hero to the promoters of diversity. And... get this... Toronto has the impact forward that Montréal needs -- James van Riemsdyk. What a deal that would be! ... Just our two cents ...

À lire: "Canadien: d'autres remaniements en défense"