VIDEO: The secret to Walt's longevity

Readers ask, "Just how old is Walt Whiteman, anyway?" Now that Ed. has been relieved of his duties, it can be revealed that Walt is, indeed, as old as dirt. The real question is: how does he overcome the creeping senility which has laid low the likes of Crooked Joe Biden and Francis the Talking Pope. 

The answer is... wait for it... Coca-Cola. Walt receives a daily infusion of the Pause That Refreshes, celebrated in song in this TV commercial.

"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)" is a pop song which originated as an advertising jingle, produced by Billy Davis and sung by the Hillside Singers in 1971. A few months later, the New Seekers also had a hit with the song, with the lyrics amended to remove the reference to the Big Drink.

Message from Woka-Cola

 

Do the makers of Coca-Cola realize they're making a big mistake with their "Be less white" campaign? Do they not realize that the folks they're pandering to drink RC? [Or grape sode! Ed.] This could very well turn into a repeat of the New Coke fiasco of April 1985!

It was then that the Coca-Cola Company, fearful of losing market share to Pepsi, introduced a new formula for the Big Drink. [That's a book title. Ed.] Known informally as New Coke, it was renamed Coke II in 1992, and was discontinued in July 2002 -- one of the biggest flops in the history of marketing.

The New Coke fiasco was based on a gross misreading of public opinion, and the reluctance of Coca-Cola drinkers to "embrace change". And here they are telling us once again that we have to get woke!

I'm severely conflicted. I am very fond of Coca-Cola. [The word "addicted" springs to mind. Ed.] But I absolutely refuse to become "less white". Indeed, doing so is an impossibility for me, both physically, mentally and emotionally. As far as I'm concerned, it's cool to be white!

What to do? I may have to learn how to make a proper mint julep and hope that will get me through the summer, or however long it takes the Coca-Cola Company to come to its senses. Meanwhile, I've sold all my shares in Coke stock. I urge those who share my sentiments to do likewise, or whatever they can to fight corporate wokeness!

VIDEO: March is OUR month!

OK, we're done with Black Everything Month. Now it's our turn...

All us boys at WWW are white... and proud of it!  And so is this guy...

"Be less white!", boys and girls, as sung by Buddy Brown... really...

Got your gay Oreos yet?

You've probably seen this picture half a dozen times already. It's a visual representation of support for gay pride, produced by Nabisco, the fine folks who proudly bring you new and improved junk food.

I put "gay" in italics just in case you've forgotten that June 25th was known for many years as Gay Pride Day, celebrated with Gay Pride parades, fudge-packing contests and other manners of gaiety.

Now the LGBTQ community has decided to delete the "gay" from the title of the festivities, but we all know what it's about, don't we. It's yet another part of the campaign to make homosexuality, in all its perverse forms, appear "normal" and acceptable according to modern and progressive community standards.

And it's not just one day or even one week now. Such is the strength of the queer lobby in Washington that we have a whole "LGBT Pride Month", to be celebrated from sea to shining sea. And Kraft Nabisco, being savvy marketers, has not been shy about jumping on the boys-in-the-bandwagon.

Earlier this week, this picture of an Oreo cookie with six layers of sugary goop in the colours of the gay rainbow flag, was posted onto Nabisco’s Facebook page. The image was accompanied by the caption “June 25 Pride” and “Proudly Supports Love”.

Sadly for Nabisco, not everyone loves the gay Oreo, or the whole idea of gay pride with all that entails. The Facebook post drew more than 23,000 comments in the first 24 hours. [That's more than we get in an entire day! Ed.] 48 hours later the number of comments had almost doubled.

Many commenters expressed -- some quite forcefully -- their abandonment of brand loyalty to Nabisco and its Oreo products, while others threatened to unlike the Oreo page and boycott the cookies altogether. One commenter went so far as to launch a boycott campaign against Nabisco on Facebook. According to the New York Daily News, the creator of the "Boycott Oreo" Facebook page wrote, "No. I do not hate gay people. I am not a 'homophobe' … I am against the lifestyle choice, however. It goes against Biblical principals and against how nature intended… I refuse to support the lifestyle or what Oreo/Kraft is doing. So I have decided to not buy their products."

Like the gay Oreo cookie or hate it, you can't deny that the whole thing has been a huge PR success for Kraft Nabisco. It reminds me of the firestorm of controversy that erupted when Coca-Cola announced it was withdrawing the classic X7 formula and forcing "New Coke" down our throats -- literally. After their allegedly market-driven reversal of that decision, I asked an acquaintance (a VP at one of Coke's international divisions) if the whole thing wasn't just a gigantic publicity stunt. "No," he replied. "We're not that smart."

What DO they eat, there?

To the Wormy Apple (it's rotten to the core) to shop for Asian food. I live in a small town, so a trip to the big smoke is necessary to find anything more exotic than bok choy. While Mrs. Walt laded the cart with chicken claws, jiaozi, ribbon fish, wood ears and other fungi, I busied myself checking out the unusual brand names of some of the products on offer.

You've probably already heard of Pocari Sweat, a well-known (?) Japanese sports drink, the oriental version of Gatorade. I was first introduced to it when I bellied up to a bar in China and asked if they had any energy drinks. The barman said "No Sweat" and gave me a Coke. Sweat is now available in powdered form. Just add water and sweaten to taste.

How about some junk food...errr, snacks. You can choose from Hello Panda -- presumably not made from any endangered species -- or Pocky, whatever that is. But it's not as if we don't have strangely named snacks on this side of the Pacific. How about Milk Duds, the most aptly-named candy I ever tasted.

Walt's prize for Strangest Brand Name goes to... the envelope please... Placenta! You wash your face etc. with it. It's herbal soap. As for me, I'll stick with Ivory.

Are there any brand names, oriental or occidental, that strike you as odd? Share them with us. Click on the headline and the post will display on its own page, with a comments box at the bottom. Thums Up! (It's an Indian substitute -- a damn poor one -- for Coca-Cola.)