Ratings death awaits new woke Family Guy

You read it here first. Walt predicts Family Guy will be cancelled at the end of the current season. Now I'll tell you why.

I watched the latest episode last night. The plot was this. Lois sees the Browns having a family fun day, and decides the Griffins need to do that. They try card games and a make-your-own-pizza party. No fun. So they decide to have a movie night, with videos from Blockbuster. But the last remaining Blockbuster in the USA is in Bend OR, so the family goes on a road trip. 

That, right there, is your cue to start the death watch for Family Guy. It's turned into a wholesome Norman Lear sitcom! No-one, with the possible exception of Blockbuster [Do they still exist? Ed.] could be offended. And no-one laughs either.   

Think about it, fans. It's 2022 in Brandon's America. Humor is forbidden. Nothing's funny anymore, because nothing is allowed to be funny. Consider this list of Family Guy characters we used to laugh at (or laugh with), who have disappeared or been reduced to minor roles, all in the name of political correctness.

Stewie Griffin - Once a precocious but malicious baby who was a central part of most shows, he has now become snarky but cute and loveable. He used to be best friends with Brian, the dog, the only one who understood him, and they had many excellent adventures together. Now Stewie only gets one or two one-liners per show, when he appears at all. 

Brian Griffin - Once so popular that an attempt to kill him off flopped, and he had to be brought back from the dead. Like Stewie, Brian is no longer a central character. Maybe it's because we don't make fun of alcoholics. More likely, it's because he was a parody of progressive pseudo-intellectuals, who are people we must now take seriously.

Brian has a cousin, Jasper, who we no longer see or hear about, because Jasper is as gay as 18 balloons. The choices people make as to their gender identity are not to be mocked any more.

Glenn Quagmire - A resolutely heterosexual sex fiend and chicken-hawk, who is not an appropriate role model for middle-aged men. No more "Giggidy giggidy goo!"

Joe Swanson - Also playing a much-reduced role. How could anyone stoop so low as to make fun of persons who are differently-abled?! For the same reason, we no longer see or hear Angela, Peter's deaf co-worker at the brewery. Ditto Opie, who is not deaf but... errr... [you can't use the R-word! Ed.]

Then there are the gay characters, who only make cameos now that it's normal to be gay, like Bruce Straight (pictured, since some of you may not recognize his name). Bruce is a caricature of the sad, middle-aged homo who should be loved, not shunned, for his contributions to the community. You may know someone like him in your community, perhaps a Boy Scout leader or a priest.

John Herbert is a 90-year-old pederast, profiled on WWW almost eight years ago.  He used to be the Griffins' neighbour. I never heard that he'd moved, but somehow we no longer see him. Perhaps that's because pedophilia isn't funny. Indeed, some progressive thinkers argue that there's nothing wrong with it.

Other faces on the cutting-room floor are those of the (((Goldmans))). Muriel, the wife of pharmacist Mort Goldman, died a couple of years back, but Mort still had his drugstore, and his son Neil, was still trying to get a date with Meg, or anybody at Adam West High School. But we must now recognize that anti-Semitism is a lingering and serious problem in our society, so Jewish stereotypes are no longer permissible.

Speaking of stereotypes, Walt wonders what became of Consuela, pictured at top. It was never clear whether or not Consuela was a legal immigrant or an "undocument migrant". Notice I didn't say "illegal alien", let alone "wetback". There are no such people any more, so we can't make fun of them.

Seth MacFarlane and his colleagues seem not to have figured out what to do with the Browns, who weren't quite a stereotypical African-American family, in that Cleveland Brown, the father was still present, working to support his wife and children. The Browns live in a neighbour hood which would apparently be all-white, except for them, so they're still regulars.

Jerome is another black stereotype, but a good one. The new owner of the Drunken Clam, he's the successful businessman that we know all black dudes could be if they weren't the victims of slavery, racism and injustice. Even so, we don't see much of him because he's a little too... errr... Black, as we learned in the episode where it was revealed that he once dated Lois.

I could go on [No, you can't. Ed.] OK, let me conclude by observing that with the cancellation of all these characters, what we're left with is the basic Griffin family -- stupid father, smarter mother, and two kids suffering from teenage angst. In other words, a typical American TV family in the Age of Woke. Hence my prediction. Lifetime pct .980.