Dumb criminals story: Woman foils gas bar robbery by giving head

What's going on in the stock markets this week? As an investor who sticks mainly to value stocks -- I'm a yield hog! -- I still find the gyrations of the tech and pot sector fascinating, and worry that their ups and downs will affect other sectors. And then there's the Biden Green(ish) Plan, playing havoc with the energy sector, particularly Canadian oil and pipeline stocks. Thanks Joe, and up yours! And then there's Gamestop. Whoda thunk a bunch of "real people" could cause the big swining dicks of Wall Street to lose billions? Not being a BSD, I love it! 

But I digest. Agent 9, who watches the Big Board even more closely, figures we need some comedy relief, so has passed along a story from Canada's Sun newspapers, for our "stupid criminals" file. 

A woman in Bratislava, Slovakia walked into a gas station last Tuesday night and noticed a robbery in progress. According to Slovakian media outlet Noviny SK, a 24-year-old man entered the gas station and allegedly threatened to kill employees if they didn’t empty the cash register. 

An employee reportedly handed the robber the money. The robber wasn't satisfied, and punched the staff member several times. The employee then ran into a back room where a coworker was hiding, and called the police.

The police say the suspect then entered the back room and tried to get more money from the store’s safe. The second employee bolted. The woman, wanting to thwart the robbery in progress, reportedly went up to the suspect and distracted him by performing oral sex on him until cops came. [Only the cops came? Ed.]

The police found the couple lying half-naked on the floor. When the woman reportedly telling them “I don't take him anymore," the cops slapped the cuffs on him. In the end, while the woman got a mouthful (maybe), the robber got neither money nor oral sex, only a jail cell.

Footnote: Noviny SK reported the unnamed woman was believed to be aged 36 and of Czech nationality. Walt wonders what made them think that. Slovaks and Czechs speak slightly different languages, but did the woman speak with her mouth full? Just askin'.