Signs of the times

Ed. (still) here. As reported yesterday, Walt is still immersed in funk. Fortunately our Agents are riding to the rescue. Two of them -- 34 and 9 -- have provided us with some amusing "Signs of the times", to fill space and give you, dear reader, some relief from the dire news of the day.

Thanks to Agent 34 for that one. The following, regrettably sans pictorial proof, come from Agent 9.

Where is the euphemism, please?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an Office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Further submissions are welcome. Click on the headline to open this post in a separate window, and use the comments box at bottom.