Filmed peeing in customer's coffee mug, politico quits election race

Canadians go to the polls on October 19th to elect a new federal government. And not a moment too soon, given the urgent necessity of ending the dictatorship of Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harpoon, now seeking his fourth (4th!) term in office. The number of seats in the new Parliament will be 338, so Steve's (or any other party) needs to win 170 of those to have a majority in the House of Commons.

Mr. Harper's Tories are struggling in the Greater Toronto Area. The Dear Leader himself is campaigning in the eastern part of the city area today. He will be accompanied by two Conservative candidates, but not by Jerry Bance, the candidate for Scarborough Rouge Park, who is withdrew from the race after CBC News aired a spycam video of him peeing in a customer's coffee cup while on a service call.

Former candidate Bance owns XPress Appliance Service, an appliance repair company [Duh! Ed.] in the GTA. He has been a service technician for the last 25 years. In 2012, he was caught in a sting by CBC-TV's Marketplace urinating in a homeowner's coffee mug and dumping the contents into the sink. Do we have the video, Ed.? ... ... Apparently not, but we do have a screen grab.

The original Marketplace show only named Mr. Bance as "Jerry". It did not mention that he had been a Conservative candidate in the previous elections of 2006 and 2008. When contacted by CBC News yesterday, Mr. Bance said, "I deeply regret my actions on that day. I take great pride in my work and the footage from that day does not reflect who I am as a professional or a person."

Walt is resisting stoutly the temptation to indulge in cheap shots of the "Peegate" variety. End of story.

UPDATE: Turns out it wasn't the end of the story, after all. CBC News has just reported that the Tories have been forced to drop a second GTA candidate (Tim Dutaud -- Toronto-Danforth) over embarrassing videos that surfaced on YouTube. No peeing or worse, just prank calls. Agent 3, who is a politics junkie, says it doesn't matter, because the Harperites didn't have a snowball's chance of winning either riding.

A port-a-potty for your car? Only in America!

Walt has lived and worked on four continents, in two worlds (first and third), and... let's see... a number of countries. But nowhere have I met folks more squeamish about relieving themselves outside of a "bathroom" than in the Excited States of America.

Americans, especially of the fairer sex -- is it still OK to say that? -- seem to have a terrible phobia about being "caught short" (as the Brits say) and having to resort to bushes, carparks or dark alleys. That's why you will find "rest areas" every 40 miles or so on the Interstate super-highways -- often in the middle of nowhere [meaning Nebraska. Ed.] -- complete with flush euphemisms.

But what if you can't make it to the rest area? What if you're stuck in a traffic jam? If you pull over and go behind the car door, someone might see... well, need I go on?

But never fear! Relief is at hand! [Where are we going with this? Ed.] American ingenuity wins the day! Dr. James Kolter, a gynecologist, has invented the GoPilot!

According to the website, this handy device:

• will enable a traveller to discreetly urinate within the privacy of a stationary vehicle;



• may help prevent physical discomfort and repeated stops at rest areas to use public "bathrooms";



• can be discreetly used by anyone in a motor vehicle.

Well, this is getting a bit repetitious. Let's hear the pitch from the mouth of the good doctor himself.



Isn't America wonderful?

PS - If you're ordering, please don't tell them Walt sent you. This article is posted as a public convenience.