VIDEO: Tim Hortons jumps the woke shark

Looks like Tim Hortons, the most Canadian of all brands to the point of being "iconic", has failed to learn any lessons from the Bud Light or other work débâcles south of the world's longest undefended brother. Here's the latest recruitment ad from Timmie's.

What more proof do you need that the Great Replacement has begun? Got a young hijab-clad Muslima here, clearly a "racialized" person too. But does she have a disability? I'm sure she must enjoy serving the typical Tim's customer -- an old white geezer like Walt. The customers may not appreciate it so much.

This is already happening, by the way, in the big cities of Canuckistan. Anyone who's been into a Tim's in Vancouver, Montréal or Toronto knows that white staffers are thin on the ground, there. So are staffers who can understand orders given in English without asking the customer to "say again". [That's not a problem in Montréal, as long as they can understand French. Oh... wait... Ed.]

I should point out to those real Canucks who didn't know that Tim Hortons is not Canadian-owned any more. If you want a piece of the action, you can buy Restaurant Brands International (RBI) on the TSX. The largest shareholder of RBI is 3G capital, a venture capital firm founded by Brazilians, now based in New York. In addition to Tim's, RBI owns Bugger King, and Poopeyes, and is fully committed to DEI.

Mr Natural reminds RBI: "Get woke, go broke." Just wait....

How about a "Buffalo Crunch" donut? From Tim Hortons, of course!

Turns out Walt's prediction about what would come of the merger between American burgermeisters Burger King and Tim Hortons, the iconic Canadian coffee-and-donuts chain, wasn't that far off the money. (Lifetime pct .974) See "Tim Hortons + Burger King = ??? Burger Bits ???".

No, it's not Tim's Burger Bits, nor is it a Whopper with chocolate glaze and sprinkles on top. It's even better! Are you ready for The Buffalo Crunch Donut?!

Yessiree Bob! Just in time for the New York State Fair, Tim Hortons presents its latest creation, specifically tailored to the American obsession with fast/fat food. So much so that US critics are accusing Tim's of making mock of the American diet. Here's part of the review from FastCompany.com, an American website for fast food junkies.

"The Buffalo Crunch Donut takes different food elements and mashes them together to create a blog-worthy food chimera. Unlike the Doritos Taco and the Cronut, this thing doesn't really make sense.

"Look at the ingredients. The donuts are topped with with an orange dusting of crushed-up chips. The Buffalo sauce is available in hot or mild, which is apparently tempered with ranch dressing. And as the eagle-eyed sleuths at Grub Street note, the dipping sauce in the middle is adorned with two slivers of tortilla chips of questionable utility.

"Buffalo native Rebecca Greenfield says it's not actually that crazy. 'The Buffalo donut is like Buffalo wings plus a donut. Besides being gross, it's not a totally insane combo since Tim Hortons is all over Buffalo.' She also noted that Tim Horton used to play professional hockey for the Buffalo Sabres."

You can try the amazing Buffalo Crunch Donut at the New York State Fair -- that's at the fairgrounds in Syracuse -- until Labor Day for just two bucks ($2.20 in Canadian money). Whether the new taste treat will stay on Tim's menu after that remains to be seen.

Tim Hortons + Burger King = ??? Burger Bits ???

When you think of Canada [IF I think of Canada. Ed.], you think of Mounties, maple leaves and... Tim Hortons. Like Canadian Tire and the Montréal Canadiens, Tim's is a Canadian icon, but without "Canadian" in the name. Its 1000s of stores spanning the Great Not-so-white North sell (mostly) coffee and donuts, and buying a "double double and a box of Timbits" is part of your average Canuck's everyday life. See Walt's "Field guide to Canadian donuts".

This morning, however, Canadians are in a maple-flavoured tizzy over merger talks between Tim Hortons and... wait for it... Burger King! [Really? Ed.] Yes, really. [But didn't Tim's get in bed with Wendy's a couple of years ago, with disappointing results for both? Ed.] That's true, and you'll still find Tim Hortons and Wendy's stores side-by-side in many Canadian cities, but this is going to be different -- a really really good deal with both companies. [Please don't use the word "blockbuster". Ed.]

OK, Walt will explain. Tim Hortons is a Canadian company, with headquarters in beautiful downtown Oakville ON. It has something like a 95% share of the coffee-and-donut biz in the GNN, with nowhere to grow except into the USA, where it's making steady but slow progress in the northeastern states.

Burger King is a much bigger US corporation, based in Miami, running second or worse in the race to sell more whoppers to the American public. Worse, many Americans have finally realized that tipping the scales at 300+ pounds is unhealthy, and sales of burgers and fries are starting to slip, even at McD's.

Will this whopper of a deal [Don't do that again. Ed.] help Tim's and or BK to grow their businesses and profits? Wouldn't a complete merger give us "burger bits" -- a company that is about neither burgers nor coffee and donuts -- to the detriment of both brands?Seems they've thought about that, and are planning to merge only the holding companies, leaving Burger King and Tim Hortons as standalone brands. The new company would become the world's third-largest fast food chain, with more than 18,000 locations and sales of about $22 billion.

So what's the deal then? Aha! Turns out it's a tax inversion play, bad enough (from the US perspective) to get the Prez annoyed. A CBC business commentator explained that the US corporate tax rate is about 35%, while Canada's is only 26%. By merging with a Canadian company and setting up a head office in Canada, American companies can achieve significant tax savings, said Michael Hlinka. "You've got to merge with a company one-quarter your size, then you can technically set up your headquarters in Canada, even though you still keep everybody in the United States. It's almost like a mailing address more than anything else."

There's more to it, of course. Mr. Hlinka thinks Burger King may also be trying to keep pace with their nemesis, Mickey D's. "McDonald's has become very serious about making a good cup of coffee in the past several years and Burger King hasn't really stepped up, so maybe this is how they're going to compete with McDonald's globally," he said.

As for Tim's, Mr. Hlinka said, "If Tim Hortons gets its coffee into all those Burger King stores worldwide, that would be absolutely huge for it, and I think that might be part of this strategy as well." However, he doesn't believe a Burger King-Tim Hortons merger would mean big changes for the customer picking up his daily double-double. He said Burger King would be unwise to tinker with Tim Hortons successful model.

"Tim Hortons just had fantastic [earnings] results, they're making money, they're expanding their offerings, they're doing a lot of things right on the execution end," he said. "This company just has this incredible momentum behind it that just makes the company work. It's worked for the past 45-50 years, it's going to be with us for another 45 or 50.

"If you go through some of the underground food courts, there will be a lineup at Tim Hortons that will stretch seemingly around the block, meanwhile there's five other places selling coffee and people are just like, 'No, I'd rather wait for the Tim Hortons coffee.'"

Quick! Get your broker on the phone! Buy 40,000 shares!