Tuesday, February 20, 2024

You Can't Fix Stupid Dept.

While we wait for South Carolina to put the last nail in the Birdbrain's coffin (lifetime pct .983), we present an item from Walt's large collection of stories that make one think "Thank goodness I'm not that stupid!" 

Authorities in Colorado have confirmed the death of a 34-year-old local resident four days after he was bitten by one of his two pet Gila monsters. 


Gila monster bites are not normally fatal to humans. But Dr Nick Rivera [Ed. Please check last name -- could be Brandehoff] a medical toxicologist and reptilian expert, told CBS News Colorado that the victim may have suffered an allergic reaction. 

The last human death from such a bite is believed to have been in 1930. That incident "was not even a medical journal case," said the good doctor. "The vast majority of bites cause local swelling and bleeding," he said.Dr Brandehoff added that last week's death "highlights that any venomous animals should be respected". 

The victim reportedly owned two of the carnivorous reptiles. Gila monsters are the largest lizards in the US of A and can grow to about 22 inches in length, according to the Smithsonian Institution. They are named after the Gila River. The creature that bit the unidentificed Jefferson County man last week was a juvenile, only 12 inches long. 

It is illegal to own Gila monsters in Colorado without a licence. Tarantulas are OK though. The animal lover had two of those.  

The Jefferson County coroner's office has performed an autopsy but is conducting additional toxicology testing to determine a precise cause of death. A Colorado Parks and Wildlife criminal investigator told CBS his team had been asked to remove the two Gila monsters from the home.

They will be taken to a "wildlife rehab"* in another state, but the lizard that bit the man will first be transported to a lab at the University of Northern Colorado, where its venom will be extracted and studied to learn more about why its bite led to its owner's death.

* Note from Ed.: I'm not sure what a "wildlife rehab" is. Sounds like somewhere you go to dry out after a wild weekend.

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