Niagara Falls starts using "low-sound" fireworks - Walt reveals why

This is a holiday weekend in parts of the Great No-longer-white North. On Monday locals in the more British parts (i.e. not Québec) will celebrate the Queen's Birthday. Not Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, but the very late Queen Victoria. That shows you how up-to-date Canadians are.

In Niagara Falls -- the clean one on the Canuck side of the river -- the Niagara Parks Commission begins its nightly fireworks showed, intended to make clear to those stuck on the shabbier side of the river that people on the western side are having lots more fun. Not just two casinos instead of one, and a lower drinking age, but fireworks too!

The nightly pyrotechnic display is pretty spectacular, to be sure. And it used to be pretty noisy too. Depending on the wind, you could hear the explosions echoing through and above the Niagara Gorge, up to ten miles away -- especially those ones that explode in a small circle of white light followed by an almighty BANG! Why, they sounded just like bombs, or cannon fire. You know, the kind of noises you'd hear if you were in a war zone. And that, gentle readers, turned out to be a problem.

To understand the dilemma faced by the NPC, you need to know that (according to Agent 78, who does know), white Canadians don't visit Niagara Falls. The whities you see oohing and awing are mostly Americans, who haven't heard about Canada's changing demographics. (Merci, Justin Trudeau, et mange d'la merde!) Canadian visitor are mostly immigrants, including hordes of Middle Eastern and south Asian "refugees" and asylum-seekers. And they, poor things, have a tendency to be "triggered" by the sound of explosions. At least, that's what the SJWs told Niagara Parks.

As a result, in a display of sensitivity and political correctness unusual even by Canadian standards, the NPC has sourced some new "low sound" fireworks for the nightly show. Instead of going "BOOM", these ones just explode with an inoffensive "pop". Less bang for the beaverbuck! And so the "accommodation" of "newcomers" reaches another high... or low... depending on how you look at it.

Footnote: The same argument was used last summer to dissuade the organizers of the CNE Airshow, the largest in Canada, to cancel the show entirely because the noise of the "warplanes" could "trigger" the poor downtrodden "refugees", yada yada yada. Fortunately the CNE has more guts than the NPC. Or at least they did last year.