Sunday, April 19, 2020

Taki reviews Dylan's "Murder Most Foul"

I confess... or, rather, boast... that I have never in my life listened to a "song" by Bob Dylan. Why should I? In his weekly summing up of "The Week That Perished", Taki says this about the allegedly iconic [most wrongly used word of 2019. Ed.] singer.

Dylan can't sing, can hardly strum a guitar, wheezes through a harmonica as if it's a ventilator, is as short as the average woman, is rumored to generate intense body odor, looks like a homeless person, and his music blows in the wind.

And yet... Bob Dylan, né Robert Zimmerman, remains a hero to lefties, Democrats and others who've drunk the KoolAid mixed up for us by the liberal elites, of whom he is the poet laureate. Below the meme you can read the rest of Taki's scathing review of Dylan's latest... make that only... Number 1 hit.


Robert Allen Zimmerman, born in northern Minnesota, remained Robert Zimmerman until he realized he could get away with pretending to be a non-ethnic hobo bard from the South if he rechristened himself as "Bob Dylan". As Southern humorist Roy Blount, Jr. once noted, Dylan is the type who will pronounce it "auty-mobile" and expect no one to notice that he’s faking it.

Dylan can’t sing, can hardly strum a guitar, wheezes through a harmonica as if it's a ventilator, is as short as the average woman, is rumored to generate intense body odor, looks like a homeless person, and his music blows in the wind.

Still, people in the 1960s looked up to him as a God -- even The Beatles deferred to Dylan -- which hints at how much was wrong with people in the 1960s.

He’s also the pretentious type who will give his songs inscrutable titles just to confuse people, which is why he titled a song that should have been called "Everybody Must Get Stoned" as "Rainy Day Women #12 and #35" instead. He’s that insufferable.

Despite selling 100 million albums to people who were somehow able to find wisdom in his off-key warblings, Dylan had never lodged a #1 hit in the USA. He hit #2 twice, with "Like a Rolling Stone" in 1965 and the aforementioned "Everybody Must Get Stoned" in 1966.

Now, at a point when he is roughly Methusaleh's age and when 20-year-olds don't even know who JFK or Bob Dylan was, Mr. Zimmerman has proved that people in the 2020s may be worse than those in the 1960s because he’s finally scored a #1 hit -- with an unlistenable ballad about JFK’s assassination that has more meaningless pop-culture references than an average episode of The Simpsons. Oh -- and the thing is 17 minutes long.

It is called "Murder Most Foul", and the atonal abomination recently hit #1 on Billboard’s Rock Digital Song Sales chart. Without so much as an apology, it includes the following lyrics:

Goodbye, Charlie
Goodbye, Uncle Sam
Frankly, my Scarlet, I don’t give a damn….
They mutilated his body, and they took out his brain
What more could they do? 
They piled on the pain
But his soul’s not there where it was supposed to be at
For the last fifty years they’ve been searchin’ for that….
That magic bullet of yours has gone to my head
I’m just a patsy like Patsy Cline….
Play “Mystery Train” for Mr. Mystery
The man who fell down dead like a rootless tree
Play it for the Reverend
Play it for the Pastor
Play it for the dog that got no master

Why, it's almost as if Lee Harvey Oswald shot the wrong guy!

Note from Ed.: Yes, I noticed what appears to be a typo in the meme, but I only edit Walt's stuff!

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