Le Canadien: bilan de Poor Len Canayen

Note from Ed.: Walt is sitting in front of the TV, waiting to see Game 7 of the NHL playoff series between the Tampa Bay Lightning and "our team", the Montréal Canadiens. Until he realizes that it never happened, we're not likely to hear anything from him. So now is a good time to give Poor Len Canayen his parting shot for the 2014-15 season.

Merci, Ed. My most recent analysis of why La Sainte Flanelle didn't get beyond the second round of the playoffs got a lot of hits. A couple of readers have been churlish enough to suggest that "Memo from Poor Len Canayen to Marc Bergevin" was long on criticism, but short on suggestions as to what M Bergevin should do in the off-season to help the team go farther next year. OK then, here are my recommendations, starting from the goal line.

Goal: In his final interview with the press, Marc Bergevin asked if he should trade Carey Price to get a big centre, because (he said) that's the price to have to pay. Well of course you don't give up Price! It would be nice, though, to have a reliable back-up goalie, someone with more size and experience than the incumbent. Not a priority, but if Jonathan Bernier wants to leave the hell that is Toronto, talk to him.

Defence: Only one change needs to be made here, and regular readers know I'm referring to The Player Who Cannot Be Criticized. What about Markov, I hear you ask. Markov is getting old and slowing down, but I think a part of his mediocre performance in the playoffs was due to his having to mentor -- and cover for -- TPWCBC. We talk of "defence pairs", but what happens when a man doesn't know where his partner is or what he's going to do next? Putting Markov together with Emelin would help them both.

If M Bergevin actually trades Subban -- to get a top line centre, let's say -- that leaves the Habs with a vacancy on the blue line, now that Gonchar and Weaver are gone. I hope they haven't given up on Jarred Tinordi. He's huge and tough. If he can learn to keep his mean streak in check [Geddit? Ed.], he should be able to stick with the big team.

Offence: That's what le Canadien lacked all year long, particularly on right wing. The team has three dependable centres: Tomáš Plekanec, Lars Eller, and Tori Mitchell. And three snipers on the left: Max Pacioretty, Brendan Gallagher -- love that kid! -- and Alex Galchenyuk, who, not matter what they say, is not a natural centre! The following players are, IMHO, surplus to requirements: Devante "Cement Mitts" Smith-Pelly, P.A. Parenteau, Jakob De La Rose, and -- I hate to say it -- David Desharnais.

Without checking on the status of their contracts with other teams, here's my list of forwards I'd like to see wearing the CH. I'd trade P.K. Subban for any of them.
Right wing: James Neal (Pittsburgh); Kyle Okposo (NY Islanders); Jeff Carter (LA); Wayne Simmonds (Philthydelphia). [See? Len's not a racist! Ed.]
Centre: Evgeni Malkin (Pittsburgh); Logan Couture (San Jose); Matt Duchene (Colorado); Nicklas Backstrom (Washington).
Left wing: Patrick Marleau (San Jose); James van Riemsdyk (Toronto); Matt Moulson (Minnesota); Brad Marchand (Boston). Those who know me will be surprised by that last one, but I'd rather have him in the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in.

One more thing. It's time to forget about political correctness or marketing considerations and name a captain. The position requires more than a big mouth. It requires drive, leadership and maturity. (It would be nice to have someone who can speak French, but none of this years four -- count `em, 4 -- assistants is bilingual.) To my mind, the obvious choice is Max Pacioretty. M. Bergevin, don't listen to guys like Dave Stubbs. Listen to me!