See how long it takes you to decode this excellent pun.
Suzy Smith put on her skates
In a story straight out of Border Security, two graduates of the notorious Singh School of Truck Driving -- Ranjit Singh Rowal and Iqbal Singh Virk -- both "Toronto men", have agreed to plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute cocaine and other federal charges in California, in connection with a transnational drug-smuggling conspiracy, allegedly led by former Team Canada Olympian Ryan Wedding.
The Sikh gentlemen are the first Canadians to sign plea deals with US prosecutors following the FBI's "Operation Giant Slalom", a massive investigation revealed last fall. The probe -- named after Mr Wedding's previous career as an elite snowboarder [snowboarder, geddit? Ed.] -- sought to dismantle his alleged drug trafficking network, which uses commercial transport trucks to move tons of cocaine and fentanyl across North America.We couldn't let the week end without a story about Sikhs who have entered Canuckistan by questionable means, and stayed on, in spite of questionable behaviour, whether their hosts country like it or not.
Today we present the heart-warming story of Jagjit Singh, who has been allowed by the Federal Court of Canada to remain in the country "on compassionate grounds", just moments before minions of the Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) were set to begin the physical deportation process.
Mr Singh, whose current location is a state secret, arrived in Canada in 2021 on a temporary resident visa and immediately filed a refugee claim. [SFX,music: "As Time Goes By".] In January 2025, he married "L.B.", a Canadian citizen, and withdrew his refugee claim shortly after she submitted an inland spousal sponsorship application on his behalf.
Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada (IRCC) -- the government department whose mission is to welcome half a million foreigners to Canada in the coming year -- confirmed in May that L.B. met the eligibility criteria to sponsor Mr Singh, but no decision on his application for permanent residence application has yet been made.
In early August, Mr Singh asked the CBSA to defer his removal until at least a preliminary decision was made on his sponsorship application. [SFX: "As Time Goes By" swells in background.] The CBSA refused, citing insufficient evidence that his removal would cause serious harm.
Federal Court Justice Avvy Yao-Yao Go disagreed, finding that the immigration officer misinterpreted their discretion and failed to properly assess evidence that Singh's removal would significantly harm his wife, who suffers from... wait for it... ADHD and relies on him for daily structure, medication reminders, and financial support.
The judge did not discose L.B.'s name, let alone her race or religion -- issues of privacy, you know -- but noted that L.B. has no other reliable family support and that Mr Singh also contributes financially to his sister's household, where the couple lives.
Justice Go acknowledged the public interest in enforcing removal orders -- murmurs from the well of the court: "Yah, sure. Hahahahaha." -- but said she found that any delay in processing Mr Singh's permanent residence application lay with IRCC, not the innocent Sikh! "Taking into consideration the irreparable harm to the Applicant’s spouse," she ruled, "granting the stay until the underlying application is determined would be just and equitable."
So Mr Singh remains in Canada, his deportation now on hold until the court decides whether to grant judicial review of CBSA’s decision to deny his deferral request. [SFX: "As Time Goes By", up and out.]
Justice Go, who was appointed to the Federal Court of Canada by Prime Minister Blackie McBlackface, has no legal training. However, she was for years a human rights advocate championing better treatment of migrant workers, refugees, asylum-seekers, etc and so forth.
Walt is unable to find any record of her having denied any application by any such person to remain in the Great No-longer-white North. So the secret to being allowed to remain in Canada is obviously: when you're judge-shopping, shop wisely!
Thanks and a big bowl of Meow Mix to BCF for the lead.
Memo from Ed. to Walt: I'm really sorry, but I couldn't figure out how to embed the SFX. Readers will just have to hum it to themselves.
The creators say: "The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a 'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong." Here's the sad story, in three pictures, of a Brazilian couple who deserve a join award, first class.
As I was saying, it's hot in this corner of the forest. Too hot to go outside -- I'm neither a mad dog nor an Englishman -- so this afternoon I plopped myself down in front of the idiot's lantern, firing up the old remote to see what's on. Well, actually, I wasn't trying to see what was on so much as what else was on. Hey, I'm a man. [Credit to Jerry Seinfeld, please. Ed.]
I was pleased and ah-mazed to find the English version of The Blue Angel (Der blaue Engel), a 1930 German psycho-drama in the guise of a musical comedy, directed by Josef von Sternberg and starring Marlene Dietrich, Emil Jannings and Kurt Gerron.
The screenplay was written by Carl Zuckmayer, Karl Vollmöller and Robert Liebmann, with uncredited contributions by Herr von Sternberg. It is based on Heinrich Mann's 1905 novel Professor Unrat (Professor Filth) and set in an unspecified northern German port city.
The Blue Angel presents the tragic transformation of a respectable professor into a cabaret clown and his descent into madness. Here's the trailer.
The film, now considered a classic of German cinema, was the first feature-length German sound film. It brought Marlene Dietrich international fame, and also introduced her signature song, "Falling in Love Again (Can't Help It)".
The film was shot simultaneously in German- and English-language versions. Though the English version was once thought to be lost, a print was discovered in a German film archive, restored and screened at San Francisco's Berlin and Beyond film festival in 2009. That's the one I watched, but if you understand German, that version is considered to be "obviously superior" -- longer and not marred by actors struggling with English pronunciation.
And now... spoiler alert... here's a synopsis of the plot. Immanuel Rath (Jannings) is a professor at a Gymnasium (high school for brighter students) in Weimar Germany. The boys disrespect and play pranks on him. Rath punishes several of his students for circulating photographs of the beautiful Lola Lola, the headliner at the local cabaret called The Blue Angel.
Rath goes to the club, hoping to catch the boys. While chasing after his naughty students, he finds Lola backstage and becomes infatuated with her. When he returns to the cabaret the following evening to return a pair of panties that was smuggled into his coat by one of his students, he winds up defending her from an aggressive patron. Lola is charmed by his chivalry, and serenades him from the stage.The next morning, Rath wakes up in Lola's bed. After having breakfast with Lola, Rath arrives late to school. Knowing of his visits to the Blue Angel, his pupils are openly mocking and contemptuous of him. Their misbehaviour attracts a school official who, after dismissing the students, makes it clear to Rath that marrying a woman like Lola would end his career.
In spite of the warning, Rath resigns his position at the school and marries Lola. Their happiness is short-lived, however, as Rath becomes humiliatingly dependent on Lola. Over time, he sinks lower and lower, first selling dirty postcards, and then becoming a clown in Lola's troupe to pay the bills.His growing insecurities about Lola's profession as a "shared woman" eventually consume him with lust and jealousy as Lola and the rest of the troupe lose respect for him.
Five years after Rath's resignation from the school, the troupe returns to The Blue Angel, where everyone attends to watch the former professor play a clown. On stage, Rath is humiliated by the magician Kiepert, who breaks eggs on Rath's head, and by seeing Lola embrace and kiss the strongman Mazeppa. Rath is enraged to the point of insanity.
He attempts to strangle Lola, but Mazeppa and others subdue him and lock him in a straitjacket. Later that night, Rath is released and he revisits his old classroom. Rejected, humiliated and destitute, he dies clutching the desk at which he once taught.Some comedy, eh! But Germans have never been known for their sense of humour.
Now a word from the chair... by which I mean the item of furniture on which la Dietrich is posed on one of the most famous stills from the film. We see in the topmost photo, her classic cabaret pose. Her reclining position with one leg elevated was selected after a dozen other attitudes were tested and discarded.
In the photo under the video, we see her straddling the chair "...imperiously, magisterially, fully the measurer of men in the audience..." The pose was considered erotic at the time, and many readers will find it so today. It can't be denied that Marlene Dietrich has gorgeous gams -- a matched set! -- and the poses with the chair show them to their best advantage.
Other directors and actresses have noticed, and it will be obvious from the remaining photos that her cabarat performance in The Blue Angel informed the excellent turns by Liza Minnelli, as Sally Bowles in Cabaret (1972) and Madeline Kahn as Lili (yes, "Lili") Von Shtupp in Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles (1974), the last being the only movie which was actually a comedy.
Three great cabaret scenes by three great actresses [I'm not sure we can allow that word. Why not "actors"? Ed.] who can also sing and dance. Which is best? Which one has the best legs? You be the judge!