Nabisco launches new and improved junk food

America is losing the war against obesity. Proportionally, the USA has more overweight, fat, obese and morbidly obese people than any country on earth. [What about Samoa? Ed.] Those, of course, are round figures.

The Prez and Imelda would like to see their subjects [fellow citizens, surely! Ed.] slim down a few sizes, and are asking food manufacturers and retailers to reduce calories, provide healthier alternatives, blah blah blah. Ever eager to help, the friendly folks at Nabisco, have introduced a new product, even more appealing to the piggy public than the ever-popular Chips Ahoy!

Yes, it's Chips Ahoy Middles! Nabisco listens to its customers, and what it heard was that the classic Chips Ahoy -- something like a chocolate chip cookie -- had too much cookie, not enough chocolate. So the obvious solution was to hollow out all that cookie dough and replace it with a soft, gooey centre of fat, sugar, salt and chocolate flavouring.

What you have now is pretty much a chocolate bar wrapped in a crust of cookie dough, not unlike that famous Glaswegian delicacy, the Deep-fried Mars Bar. Just what the customers (if not their doctors) ordered.

My Fitness Pal reports that a serving (two cookies) of Chips Ahoy Middles, total weight 31 grams, has 7 grams of fat (of which 4 grams saturated) and 13 grams of sugar. Total carbs, 21 grams. Yes, there's salt too, 110 mg. Any vitamins? Errr, no.

Want to see what you'll look like on a steady diet of Chips Ahoy Middles and similar junk? Check out "Showers for those who can't see their toes". I wouldn't be surprised if it's all part of an Islamist plot to make us eat ourselves to death.